Covert Narcissism: A Less Overt but Equally Harmful Form of Self-Absorption
When someone is called a narcissist, many picture them as arrogant, brash, and assertive. While this description holds true for many with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), others exhibit a more hidden form of self-importance. This quieter strain is known as covert narcissism, and it may come across as sensitivity to criticism, difficulty fitting in, and self-deprecation.
Advertisement
Cleveland Clinic is a non-profit, academic medical institution. Advertising on our site supports our mission, and we do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. Policy
Overt narcissists display an outward air of self-importance, arrogance, and vanity. They feel insecure on the inside but project a bold image of superiority. Covert narcissism, however, is the more introverted side of NPD. Covert narcissists experience the same insecurities but internalize their sense of self-importance, often focusing intently on their need for attention.
"Overt narcissists make an entrance; they're loud, aggressive, and immediately draw attention to their narcissistic traits," says psychologist Susan Albers, PsyD. "Covert narcissists, on the other hand, operate below the radar. Even after years in a relationship, you might not realize their covert narcissism because it's so subtle."
That stealth quality makes covert narcissism dangerous and difficult to manage. For instance, when faced with anger, an overt narcissist might become openly aggressive, while a covert narcissist could become self-deprecating or participate in passive-aggressive behavior.
Advertisement
"Covert narcissists genuinely don't feel like they're doing anything wrong," says Dr. Albers. "They often believe they're misunderstood by others."
Like overt narcissism, covert narcissism may have roots in genetics, childhood trauma, and learned behavior picked up from parents or other caregivers.
Warning Signs of Covert Narcissism
Covert narcissism can be harder to identify due to its subtle expression, but telltale traits include:
- Sensitivity to criticism
- Difficulty fitting in
- Self-deprecation
- Difficulty with depression and anxiety
- Hyper-focus on their self-importance
Covert narcissists may rely on self-deprecation and negative self-talk to garner attention and sympathy from others. They may also struggle with depression and anxiety, but their need for social validation may prompt them to share these feelings more openly than an overt narcissist would.
Coping with Covert Narcissism
To identify and cope with covert narcissism, it's essential to remain aware of behavioral patterns and recognize when something feels off.
"The covert narcissist often tries to explain their actions or dismiss them by giving themselves an out," notes Dr. Albers. "If their narcissistic tendencies become apparent, pay attention to these behaviors and look for patterns."
When called out, a covert narcissist might respond with harmful behaviors like passive aggression or gaslighting. To manage these situations, it's crucial to set healthy boundaries and ensure your voice isn't silenced. If you're feeling overwhelmed emotionally, consider taking a step back or seeking therapy for yourself.
In extreme cases, you may need to cut off contact with someone, but remember, the covert narcissist often seeks validation, so addressing their behavior directly can help them address their underlying issues. For the covert narcissist, cognitive-behavioral therapy may be beneficial as it helps identify triggers, examine the root causes of behaviors, and develop healthier coping strategies.
In the end, we all have insecurities, but we don't have to let them control our lives. A therapist can help those with potentially narcissistic tendencies understand their behaviors and work on building self-awareness and healthy self-esteem.
"If you feel lost or unsure about your place in the world, therapy can help guide you back to rediscovering your true self," says Dr. Albers.
- A covert narcissist's need for attention might manifest through self-deprecation and negative self-talk, which can be confusing as they may struggle with depression and anxiety.
- Covert narcissists, when faced with confrontation, might respond with passive-aggressive behavior or gaslighting, making it crucial to establish boundaries and ensure one's voice isn't silenced.
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy can be beneficial for covert narcissists, as it helps identify triggers, examine the root causes of behaviors, and develop healthier coping strategies.
- In the realm of health-and-wellness, mental health is just as important as physical fitness and exercise, and understanding and managing narcissistic tendencies can contribute to overall well-being, including skin care and nutrition.
